Middle Class Handbook

The Middle-Class Handbook is written under the auspices of a London-based creative agency – although since it began in 2009, it has taken on a certain life of its own, with regular contributions from people who are not directly connected with the company.

The blog is for people interested in the stuff the modern British middle classes say, do and buy. We discuss the details, ponder the changes and, when necessary, settle questions of etiquette. On the whole, we think it is the small things that people do and say that reveal the most, and feel that this is proved by long and passionate debates about important subjects such as museli, wine brands and how much one should tip a pizza delivery person.

Occasionally we and our readers are troubled by today’s rising tides of bad taste, and we share advice for living life in a dignified British manner while coping with such modern distractions as trash television and the expression “totes amaze”.

That’s Channel 4 News: how Snow & co triumphed over Newsnight

One secondary casualty of this week’s Cambridge Analytica story has been the reputation of the BBC’s once-mighty Newsnight. On the evening Channel 4 News aired the first installment of its hidden-camera scoop, Newsnight carried a recorded interview with Cambridge Analytica CEO Alexander Nix. As many noted on social media, interviewer Emily Maitliss politely allowed Nix to robustly defend all the crimes that he had been seen boasting about three hours earlier. It was a disaster for the Beeb’s flagship news show and, by extension, for the BBC itself.

The usual questions about BBC budgets and charters will doubtless be raised in due time, but the bigger point here is Channel 4 News’ ascendency. Former Newsnight anchor James O’Brien recently quit the show because, he said, the venerable ideals of objective reporting, balance, and right to reply didn’t work in a time when we know that we’re being manipulated and misled on serious issues by media-trained hucksters.

The Channel 4 team, led by Jon Snow, Krishnan Guru Murthy, and Cathy Newman, has however shifted to meet that change. Tactically they use key moments from the show across all media to drive audiences to the TV show, and the rather elegant website. Tonally, the presenters are openly skeptical and challenging without resorting to showy Paxman-like rudeness; the slightly-weary-yet-personable-eye-rolling-weariness of Snow, Guru-Murty, and Newman captures our feelings about politicians better than any other presenters or journalists at the moment.

The lesson is simple. Old-fashioned objectivity and balance have become a bit outdated, somehow; far better, in 2018, to have a point of view, and be honest about it.

And of, course, wear excellent ties.

Why Middle Class People Choose High-Paying Online Casinos

Gambling behaviours of middle class UK people are also worthy of being analyzed. Through our observations, we found out that most UK punters pertaining to the middle class prefer to gamble at the best payout online casino sites in the UK. Granted, seems like most people falling in this particular revenue bracket do their research before they start playing online – which means, they are most likely to select casino operators with higher-than-average payout rates.

SPAM Friday – How did Black Friday ever become a thing in the first place?

Even now that it seems to have persuaded the terminally gullible to take part in a massive annual fight over cheap televisions and discounted fashion accessories, it seems incredible that such an obvious dreamt-up racket could be transplanted from the malls of America to Britain. And it still feels like the deluge of adverts, crap in-store promotions, and TV news stories feel out of proportion to how much most people really care.

This year it’s been the spam that I’ve really noticed; as I write, a rising tide of unwanted emails is currently overwhelming my inbox, and the brands sending them would seem less tawdrily desperate if their CEO were currently on my doorstep in fancy dress pleading with me to accept a personal BOGOF offer.

I would say I can’t wait for it to be over, but with most of them now stretching it out (“Black Five Days” etc GIVE ME STRENGTH) it rather feels as if it never will be.

Chattering Class: Cleans up the impossible!

Prince Harry

Even republicans approve, surely?

Microwaving tea

Recommended by scientists, apparently. Disgusting

No televised election debates

Disappointing; we were rather looking forward to May vs The Sturge

Broadchurch

Olivia Coleman = nailed-on Future National Treasure

Spring Bank holidays

Too close together! Very bad!

Bin-mageddon

“I queued for THREE BLOODY HOURS at B&Q; for a new recycling bin! The entire town’s in CHAOS”

S-Town

To listen to whole on a long journey for maximum effect

Using a proper paper map

Strangely satisfying

The “Flash” Flash ad

It’s back! Possibly the best ever singing dog in an advert ever

Crap tacos

Reheated, with too much chili: middle-class kebabs, basically

Chattering class: this month’s ups and downs

Leicester City overkill

Yes, we get it, it’s lovely. But can we talk about something else now?

Online petitions

Please sign our online petition to have them banned

Zootopia

The new Frozen

Artisan marshmallows

Unconvincing

The word “artisan”

Overused

Discussing sourdough recipes

Did you buy it? Might as well wear a Burberry baseball cap

Getting the right shade of fake tan

“Just enough to stop my legs looking like something I dug up”

Traveling off-peak on rural branch line trains

Lovely

Pointless gadgets made by start-ups

Usually no better than Innovations catalog stuff

Are the junior doctors dispute the middle-class miner’s strike?

There’s no doubt that the middle-classes are mostly behind the junior doctors, and one reason is that we recognize the work politics.

Clearly, the doctors have an idiot, bulls***ing boss trying to “restructure” in ways that won’t work, but will make everyone worse off. Who hasn’t been there? It’s a defining aspect of working life, so the idea of someone taking a stand is immensely appealing.

Increasingly it feels like a symbolic stand against injustice we can all rally around; it has all the hallmarks of the 1984-5 miners strike, with fewer tricky arguments about economics.

However, compared with the 80s miners, the middle classes are still getting the hang of this militancy business, and so in a very supportive way, we’d like like to make the following suggestions.

  1. Shrink the badges
    Call us superficial, but MCs like their badges small and tasteful, not saucer-size. Make them too big and they’ll be put somewhere discreet, not on the chest where they need to be
  2. Get a slogan
    Remember Coal Not Dole? That was a memorable, assertive rallying cry. “I support the Junior Doctors” is very clear, of course, but not really something to bring folk to the barricades
  3. Be horrible about Jeremy Hunt more often
    It helps to have an enemy, and we all hate him because he reminds us of the worst boss we ever had. Sod not wanting to get into personalities, and get cracking on the effigies
  4. Be more concise
    The JDs are so good at explaining patiently and reasonably that their message can get lost. Be angry! We won’t mind! In fact we’ll really like it! Especially if there’s also a good badge.