If the middle classes are to rise up, it might take a delayed train and a feisty new-money bloke in a suit

How far do you have to push the middle classes before they strike back? About 5 hours it seems.

A delayed late night train from Brussels to London became a full scale middle class mutiny and when after 5 hours of delay’s the guard locked himself in his compartment, even though we were meters from the alighting point.

We’d already stood in the dark abyss of a Belgian field prior to this; insightfully informed by the guard after a surreal 20 minutes of speculation amongst the carriage that ‘the train has stop-ped’, without any further details.

Tantalisingly close to the platform on the London side, occasionally the train would chunter forward to cheers from the passengers only to stop a few yards on. Incensed and confused by the lack of explanation, polite Hurumphs turned to conversation which then turned to agreed indignation whilst the guard refused to answer why - he simply didn’t know. A freshly awoken ‘stag’ from the next carriage bowled through in his defaced football shirt and demanded answers, and we concurred. Rallying a group, we started knocking on the Guards door asking for answers and at the very least, some water. He didn’t answer and just locked his door. Buoyed by this incremental victory and after nearly 6 or so hours of ‘travel’, people were hungry, thirsty and rather angry. With the water from the tap not being drinkable, action had to be taken.

A swift kick from one of the leading revolutionaries - were Che Guervara to be a mid-thirties new moneyed cockney wearing a pinstripe – soon had the bar door open and we were triumphant; opening little cans of Pistachio’s and handing out the boozey spoils. We glugged victoriously whilst toasting our new found - if slightly loose cannoned - leader.

Upon eventual arrival at St.Pancreas, we were greeted by flaccid apologies from Eurostar Reps, given a bottle of water and a large form for our troubles; we left basking in the glory of a justified pillaging and the satisfaction of being able to write a really long complaint letter.