A little while ago on Twitter, we asked an important question. What is the social hierarchy of those Cadbury pouches? You know, Giant Buttons, Clusters, et al. They’re not particularly socially acceptable as a general concept. It’s fine – nay, encouraged – to present some organic honeycomb with dark chocolate drizzled over the top at a party, but somehow not fine to present Crunchie Rocks. They are just too trashy.
Each variety of Cadbury pouch has a unique position on the chart of tastiness vs. social respectability. Here’s how they stack up, and read on for the reasons why.
Scoring the maximum points for both respectability and tastiness, Giant Buttons are a modification on an old innocent classic everyone remembers from their childhood, as well as being a nice simple shape and modest as they are just basic yummy milk chocolate.
Extremely tasty, Twirl Bites fall down on respectability because they are broken into apparently haphazard but actually contrived chunks which are much less classy than freshly breaking up an actual Twirl bar.
These score retro points and carry the political kudos of Wispa having been discontinued and relaunched. They don’t score maximum respectability points simply because Bitsa Wispa is a slightly irritating name.
Too indulgent. A corruption of the innocent Button. Thoroughly embarrassing actually (even the word ‘nibbles’). But very tasty. Enjoy in private.
Only slightly nice, and boringly worthy. Nobody really wants peanuts with their chocolate. But, peanuts take the edge off the indulgence so these score quite highly for respectability.
Tedious and worthy, as anything involving raisins generally is. Which is exactly the reason these go to the top of the class for respectability.
Flakes AND raisins. There’s just too much going on. As ever, though, the presence of raisins bumps these up on the respectability scale. Were they just choc-covered flakes, these would be at the bottom of the chart.
Downright trashy. And only vaguely nice. You really can’t beat a proper Crunchie bar, for that satisfying business of biting off the chocolate and leaving the honeycomb. Seems counter-productive to break it into ‘rocks’. A rare example of something that’s actually not nicer in mini/broken-down form.