Dilemma: it’s obviously acceptable to dawdle at the supermarket shampoo shelves, but is it OK to stand pondering which loo paper, sorry toilet tissue, to buy? Aloe vera, almond milk, shea butter all seem to imply that the family bottoms need special treatment which is really a bit embarrassing as well as making the paper sound a bit soggy already. Choice used to be limited to colour until I was told that the dye (only the dye?) was bad for sea organisms so it was easy to choose white, ultra-soft or super soft depending on the supermarket. From this it was an easy step to go all environmental although in its early days the recycled variety made people snigger turning one into a toilet pedant: no, recycled paper for the loo.
With its rigorously ethical unbleached calico-esque quality, it showed that one was doing one’s bit, but it didn’t really go with any type of Elle Decoration bathroom styling, eventually becoming ‘recycled white’ indistinguishable from ordinary white, so no longer signifying any eco-warrior credentials. One could leave the pack in the bathroom but an uneven loo roll package lurking in the corner is a sure sign of loo disorder, or lack of proper storage. So back to the shelves where ‘natural pebble’, almond blossom luxury, or even the technologically imaginative ‘made entirely of sugar cane’ could be an alternative but none are quilted, triple or cashmere, but now I’m wondering whether I shouldn’t just lob the nearest pack into my trolley as it’s very unlikely that friend, foe or family is going to bounce out of loo/lavatory/toilet cooing “Ooooh I LOVE your loo paper!”