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The Book

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Chattering Class

This week's fiddle-faddle

Babybel

Must be MC; they have a waxed jacket, says @heidistephens

Mini M&S 99p cheeses

Compelling

Personalised gifts

Always luggage, never towels. Distinction c/o @ohchrisburton

Cheese toasties

Need a more grown-up name, says @Gary_Bainbridge

America's "grilled cheese"

Not good enough. Implies there's no bread involved

Croque Anglaise

Possible winner from @Robins_Books

Supermarket pasta salads

Always, always rubbish

Andrex's "rollaphobia" campaign

No, we do NOT leave loads of rolls around the house!

Gladioli

Grand and colourful; very MC

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    « Middle-Class Unnecessarily Oversized Thing of the Year | Main | Middle-Class David and Goliath brand spat of the Year »
    Monday
    Dec312012

    MC NEW YEAR'S EVE RULES

    Another New Year's Eve, another minefield of social nuance and celebratory etiquette to carefully step around. Here's a few ground rules for keeping your December 31st reassuringly middle class. 

    1. The cut-off age for queuing outside nightclubs on NYE is 29. Yes, even if your mate’s mate is DJing.
    2. If NY at your local pub is looking like the only option, remember the mantra: “It was soooo easy. Great atmosphere and a really eclectic crowd”. 
    3. If the prospect of a dinner party in East Sheen is losing its appeal, unlucky, there’s no pulling out now. Unless you have kids. In which case, Lola’s got a temperature. Done.
    4. If you’re hosting a party, make sure you pop an invitation through the neighbours letterbox on either side. Don’t worry, Steve and Angela won’t come.
    5. Worried your outfit isn't New Yeary enough? Just add fake eyelashes.
    6. Served as an amuse bouche before the cheeseboard, Vodka sorbet is the acceptable face of doing shots on a Monday night.
    7. Keep an eye out for double dippers around the tzatziki and bread sticks. It’s quite simply a norovirus accident waiting to happen.
    8. With house parties, there’s no clearer way of saying I bought this 5 minutes ago in the newsagent around the corner than 2 bottles of Campo Viejo. (Good idea to take the Londis price sticker off too).
    9. And, no, 2 bottles of Sainsbury’s cava isn’t really better than one bottle of champagne.
    10. For a house party, the cheaper the fireworks the better - everyone likes an underdog, no one likes a show off.
    11. Pre-booking a cab doesn’t mean you’re dull, it means you don’t want to shout out your postcode three times to a man from Diamond Cars while dancing to Billie Jean, before lurking in the hallway till 3am.
    12. If you’ve decided to stay in, make sure you tell everyone you know beforehand. Then it becomes a cultural statement of self-empowerment and not just an evening on the sofa watching Graham Norton.

     

    Reader Comments (1)

    Missing apostrophe and incorrect bracket/ full stop placement. Come on, you're really letting yourself down MCH!

    January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMs H

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