Chattering class: This week’s who, what and why

Attending opening of new haberdashery shop by Great British Sewing Bee contestant

Ok, yes @LyzzyBee_Libro, yours was the most MC weekend ever

Three-day weekend competitiveness

Get ready to have the most relaxing yet packed weekend to talk about on Tues

When and why did mini burgers served at drinks parties become ‘sliders’?

Investigation launched, @RichardBratby

Wedding websites

Deeply naff

Munich

Seems to be chosen destination for MC spring mini break

LinkedIn profile pic tribes

Was more of a thing than any of us realised

Hen and stag weekends

Please, enough. Time to return to one evening out getting hammered

“Thanks, [name]”

Standard email sign-off now, but we can surely do better

Sending change of address cards in the post

Lovely old-fashioned touch. Yes you do have time

‘Anna and Katy’

Superb; just what we needed

Pimp your packed lunch

Hard times, and fear of being seen to leave your desk means more people are bringing their lunch to work. Plus, there’s only so many Pret sandwiches you can eat in one lifetime, and even Itsu ceases to look exotic after a while. 

Now, you don’t need us to tell you that as soon as you open your branded plastic container (and believe us, there’s a whole other level of lunch-box semiotics to be decoded there) people will be judging you. Just as you will them. So it is imperative to make sure you are sending out the right signals. 

First, you need to consider the smell. You’ll want something that will get you noticed via its fresh aromas, not something that will linger for the afternoon making you both unpopular and nauseous. A Thai curry is good. Fish pie is not. If in doubt, play it smell-neutral with chicken and rice.

When announcing something as ‘leftovers’, remember that this is also divulging what you eat at home in the evenings. For this reason, Monday is often quite a competitive day on the packed lunch front as it is a forum to display what an amazing dinner party/roast dinner you served up at the weekend.

There is kitchen kudos to be gained from bringing in something that requires assemblage, whether it’s simply throwing some fresh coriander on top of reheated dhal, or assembling your own salad from scratch and ostentatiously shaking up the dressing at your desk.

Bringing in your own set of proper metal cutlery shows breeding; however, a napkin will make you look like a ponce.

How to be MC: pick the right LinkedIn photo for the creative in you

A few clicks around the labyrinth of LinkedIn, and you soon start spotting certain types of profile picture.  It’s clear that just a basic mugshot and cheesy grin won’t cut it any more – certainly not for creative types who need that extra aesthetic cachet.  So all kinds of different portrait codes and conventions are emerging. And each has its own spin on what makes its subjects special.

If you want to add a bit more creative flair to your LinkedIn page, one of these options could be just what you’re looking for.

Pensive and Instagrammed

There’s nothing like a wash of sunlight over a pensive face to provide instant poetry and arty allure. Ideal for those working in creative occupations who want to present themselves as constantly dreaming, envisioning and imagineering.

Aspiring TEDsters

If you’ve given a TED speech, great – you’ve got instant access to that sought-after dark background and podium. But if you haven’t, you can always construct one at home using a dark cloth and your bedside anglepoise for dramatic lighting. Or just present yourself in the full flow of an inspirational performance.

Bubbling over with joy

Some LinkedIn profile pictures present their subjects beaming or even having a good old belly laugh. A great option for Can-Dos who wants to show that ‘work is play’ and that they’re irrepressible wellsprings of positive energy.

Out of the office

Many people – especially creative and visionary types – don’t want to show themselves as slaves to the office or even their desk.  Instead, they’re always out and about, investigating the psychogeography of lived space. In their lunch hour.

So beautiful

Get a professional photographer to do a model-type shot – and no-one will care what your job is. Ideal expressions here including pouting, sulking and enigmatic Mona Lisa smiles. Never face the camera directly or grin. You’re far too gorgeous for all that people-pleasing stuff.

Creative Gravitas

Creatives have to show they’re not just boring corporate animals. But they don’t want to go too crazy either. A bit of gravitas is a must, after all. So the black-and-white serious shot offers a great compromise. Black-and-white says arty and creative – but also serious and respectable. That seriousness gives you a little extra creative latitude: why not push the boat out and go for an off-centre, cropped or over-exposed shot?

TV Suppers: Antiques Roadshow

When MC:TV finally launches (which really needs to happen), central to the scheduling will be Antiques Roadshow. Not just because it’s like immersing yourself in a warm Sunday bath of pastel corduroy and deranged hair, but also because it satisfies our natural obsession with other people’s stuff.  

As someone who owns not one single item of a) value or b) historical interest, I can merrily pass judgement on other people’s heirlooms, sprinkling withering disdain on every vulgar vase and frightful figurine. Clearly I’d never do it in person, but Antiques Roadshow works on the same principle as Britain’s Got Talent – if you put it on TV, it’s fair game. I don’t care if great uncle Malcolm smuggled it out of occupied France tucked in his thermal undertrousers, it’s still hideous.   

All matters of taste are disregarded, however, when it comes to jewellery – I’d happily wear it all at once, even the stuff that looks like B&Q Christmas baubles. Although can someone explain why expert John Benjamin pronounces it jew-lery? Surely he should know - are the rest of us doing it wrong? 

Why do we love a brand with an ‘and’?

There is something about a brand with an ‘and’ that suggests quality and heritage. It conjures up a sepia image of two hard-grafting men, possibly northerners, hitting on a good idea of how to use the cutting-edge technology of their day to overcome a problem they regularly witness first hand, and gradually introducing it to the mass market with international success. In other words, exactly the sort of thing that made Britain great.

Consider for example, that alongside the much loved ‘and brands’ that have already hit their centenary, young turks such as ‘purveyors of splendid confectionery’ Hope & Greenwood (est 2004) and ‘soap & herbal merchants’ Heyland & Whittle (est 2003) have pulled off the trick quite nicely.

Without further ado, or restricting ourselves to these shores, here are some of our favourite brands with an &. What are yours?

Farrow & Ball
Simon & Schuster
Barnes & Noble
Huntley & Palmers
Abel & Cole
Paxton & Whitfield
Fortnum & Mason
Green & Black’s
Cutler and Gross
Osborne & Little
Cole & Fairfax
Tate & Lyle
Stead & Simpson
Crabtree & Evelyn
Holland & Barrett

Letting the side down:
Lambert & Butler
Corney & Barrow