SPAM Friday - How did Black Friday ever become a thing in the first place?

Even now that it seems to have persuaded the terminally gullible to take part in a massive annual fight over cheap televisions and discounted fashion accessories, it seems incredible that such an obvious dreamt-up racket could be transplanted from the malls of America to Britain. And it still feels like the deluge of adverts, crap in-store promotions and TV news stories feels out of proportion to how much most people really care.

This year it’s been the spam that I’ve really noticed; as I write, a rising tide of unwanted emails is currently overwhelming my inbox, and the brands sending them would seem less tawdrily desperate if their CEO were currently on my doorstep in fancy dress pleading with me to accept a personal BOGOF offer. 

I would say I can’t wait for it to be over, but with most of them now stretching it out (“Black Five Days” etc etc GIVE ME STRENGTH) it rather feels as if it never will be.

Chattering Class: Cleans up the impossible!

Prince Harry

Even republicans approve, surely?

Microwaving tea

Recommended by scientists, apparently. Disgusting

No televised election debates

Disappointing; we were rather looking forward to May vs The Sturge

Broadchurch

Olivia Coleman = nailed-on Future National Treasure

Spring Bank holidays

Too close together! Very bad!

Bin-mageddon

“I queued for THREE BLOODY HOURS at B&Q for a new recycling bin! The entire town’s in CHAOS”

S-Town

To be listened to whole on a long journey for maximum effect

Using a proper paper map

Strangely satisfying

The “Flash” Flash ad

It’s back! Possibly the best ever singing dog in an advert ever

Crap tacos

Reheated, with too much chilli: middle-class kebabs, basically

Chattering class: this month's ups and downs

Leicester City overkill

Yes we get it, it's lovely. But can we talk about something else now?

Online petitions

Please sign our online petition to have them banned

Zootopia

The new Frozen

Artisan marshmallows

Unconvincing

The word “artisan”

Overused

Discussing sourdough recipes

You buy it? Might as well wear a Burberry baseball cap

Getting the right shade of fake tan

“Just enough to stop my legs looking like something I dug up”

Travelling off-peak on rural branchline trains

Lovely

Pointless gadgets made by start-ups

Usually no better than Innovations catalogue stuff

Three ways to save face after an autocorrect typo

Bloody autocorrect. Foiling your attempts to seem funny and interesting by littering your tweets and Facebook posts with embarrassing errors. We've all been there, and we've all wondered, heart pounding, what to do to fix the error. To our mind, there are three ways you could go:

1. Dive in with a follow-up post which at once drips with exaggerated embarrassment and pre-empts any correction from smug followers, making very clear you know your stuff and do not care to be corrected, thank you very much. “Argh! Posted before I was ready. Yarg, not yard, obviously!”
2. Delete hastily and re-post a version without the typo, as though nothing ever happened. Or, if technology allows, such as on Facebook, edit the post. You'll need to be prepared to swallow your pride about the fact that it will display as 'Edited'. In many ways that's just drawing attention to your error. You might actually come off better if you do nothing, hence this third option:
3. Rise above it. Just let it be. And if anyone picks you up on the error, ignore them or go down the pro-creative expression route, pretending you think social media is no place for pedantry. You'll be cringing and hating yourself, obviously, but you'll have an air of a person who likes the idea of having nothing to prove. And that's about as good as an MC can strive for.

Chattering class: quibbles and queries

TV shows on dieting

Ugh, enough now! Oh alright, just one more...

People leaning forward in train seats

Annoying and intrusive

Metcalfe's Skinny popcorn

Favourite niche snack about to go mainstream

Tax returns

Absolutely love sharing misery on Twitter

Books received for Christmas

No idea how/when to get through the stack

Doddle

Still not convinced it's a doddle

Dry January

Would be easier if people didn't stop talking about it

People who breathe really loudly in yoga and pilates classes

Do please shut up

Kale and spinach

Why do they come in such huge bags?

A newly filled fruit bowl

As satisfying as fresh bed sheets