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The Book

Out now at Amazon | Waterstones

Middle Class Handbook on Twitter
Chattering Class

Prince Harry

Even republicans approve, surely?

Microwaving tea

Recommended by scientists, apparently. Disgusting

No televised election debates

Disappointing; we were rather looking forward to May vs The Sturge


Olivia Coleman = nailed-on Future National Treasure

Spring Bank holidays

Too close together! Very bad!


“I queued for THREE BLOODY HOURS at B&Q for a new recycling bin! The entire town’s in CHAOS”


To be listened to whole on a long journey for maximum effect

Using a proper paper map

Strangely satisfying

The “Flash” Flash ad

It’s back! Possibly the best ever singing dog in an advert ever

Crap tacos

Reheated, with too much chilli: middle-class kebabs, basically

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The Periodic Table of the Middle Class
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    Entries in Millsy (11)


    Virtuous Misery #2 Martin Amis The Pregnant Widow

    All that hype for a book that was really just what-me-and-my-posh-friends-did-on-holiday FORTY SODDING YEARS AGO. 300 pages leading up to a big Atonement-style turning point that was actually so understated it was barely noticeable.


    Virtuous Misery #3 Japan

    Everyone seems to love Japan. Yes, Tokyo has great shops and nice food. And few of us could go untouched by the grace and stocisim which the country showed in the wake of the tsunami. However, the architecture is underwelming. The rules and manners are ridiculously rigid, making the people appear sad, uptight and somewhat repressed. The atmosphere is fun-free. And oranges cost five quid each. It's the anti-Italy.


    Virtuous Misery #4 Westerns

    Every proper film buff, director and critic bangs on about cowboy films. Once Upon a Time in the West, Hud, The Wild Bunch, The Unforgiven etc. Has anyone actually managed to sit through a whole one until the end? The best cowboy is clearly Woody from Toy Story.


    Virtuous Misery #5 Banksy 

    An ok-ish graffiti artist. There were dozens of better ones around in the 1980s.


    Virtuous Misery #6 The Smiths

    Morrissey is a terrific pop star and a great lyricist but, aside from 'How Soon is Now?', The Smiths' tunes are very, very ordinary and annoyingly "jangly".

    That said, Johnny Marr is a god, not least for his work with The The, The Pretenders, Mighty Mouse etc etc.